I had my fourth fill Monday. I am no longer obese. The doc explains that from a medical standard, I am no longer in risk of obese related diseases. This is a huge accomplisment for me, and I feel relieved. My hubby had heartburn the other day, and I remembered that before the band, I had daily heartburn (reflux) and I would wake up choking at night from the acid, in spite of my daily meds. It is such a relief to know that this nightmare is over. I have not had any heartburn since surgery.
I still have 53 pounds to lose before I reach my goal of 150 pounds. I have not been 150 pounds since grade 9 so I can't wait until I get there.
Last weekend I needed a bra so I went at Sears (which is connected to the mall). I decide to venture out into the mall. I was super embarrased. I walked into a few store and quickly left because XL are actually smalls, but I did buy myself a few XL shirts at walmart. I was pretty happy to be fitting in normal people clothes.
Keeping up with the clothing I need has been the ultimate bitch. I only have one pair of pants at the moment. It's quite annoying and super expensive.
I've been feeling bitter sweet about my success. Reason being is that my results aren't typical and I feel when other band patients see my loss, they feel down about themselves and I don't want to do this. I wish I would motivate these folks instead of bringing them down. I can't explain why I am losing so quickly, except I knew it was in my genes (my mom can lose weight really really quickly and has numerous times) and that I went from eating like a pig to eating like a 3 year old which obviously made a big diffrence.
I hate feeling guilty about my success but I also hate that I may be discouraging people. This is certainly not my goal. The thing with obesity is that it often accompanies depression so alot of banded folks are depressed, and I can understand that seeing my results may depress them cause if I were in their shoes, I would be also.
I don't know, my hubby always tells me "Monica fuck them" you are working super hard and you deserve your success. I agree, but in the same breath the last thing I want to do is cause someone to give up on their band.
Anyway enough ranting.
M
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
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I wouldn't worry about anyone else, Monica, just focus on your own success. We all have our own rate of success, and maybe for *some* people a slower rate of loss is better for them in the long run. It's an individual journey. I know for me I can't be bothered worrying about how someone else is progressing b/c there are just too many variables involved. Keep up the good work. Others will feel how they feel - thought it's hardly productive to focus on anyone other than themselves, really.
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